You may have viewed Sen. Joni Ernst (R-Iowa) offering a mock apology for dismissing a constituent’s complaint that the Medicaid cuts she endorses will cause people to die with the flippant remark, “We are all going to die.” She tied her defense of her callousness to Christianity, inviting all who worried about death to convert so they could enjoy eternal life after death. J.D. Vance, too, has defended sharply limited empathy in Christian terms–a theological view for which Pope Francis admonished him. Part of this attack on empathy stems from the resentment of populist voters who feel that empathy is being extended to the wrong people, that they are the ones who deserve empathy, as opposed to various others they despise–immigrants, foreigners, Muslims, blacks, feminists, LGBT people, poor people, etc. Arlie Hochschild, Katherine Cramer, and Justin Gest have written compelling accounts of this. But what does this have to do with Christianity? What happened to “Jesus is love”?Â
Now, according to some Christian nationalist pastors such as Joe Rigney, empathy is a sin. It’s toxic. There is a gender angle to this view: women are purportedly more empathetic than men, which makes them unfit to lead men, a church, or anything else. On this view, Christians need a leader like Trump to deliver them from evil, and pastors who oppose this must be pushed out of the movement.
This wouldn’t be the first time a religious movement has taken a secular leader as their model of virtue. But when the secular leader is a malignant narcissist or sociopath–someone lacking empathy–its members are in trouble. I don’t mean to take away from the damage populist anti-empathetic politics does to marginalized people and to democracy. I do mean to reject the demonization of everyone who has embraced this politics as if they are all sociopaths themselves. This, I think, neglects a critical sociological factor in the interpersonal dynamics driving this politics, which inflicts great damage on its participants, very much including the men among them. Ideology can trap people in self- as well as other-destructive social norms. In short: when people are persuaded that they need to accept a bully as their leader, they have to submit to bullies’ rules. Such submission threatens humiliation, emotional stunting, and loss of intimate relationships.
Empathy is simply human. It’s not the special province of women. To bullies, however, it is a sign of weakness. Now join the leadership of bullies to Christian complementarian gender ideology, according to which empathy is effeminate and hence especially contemptible in men. Then boys and men who aren’t themselves malignant narcissists or sociopaths need to suppress their own empathy, lest they become the bullies’ next targets. Communities in thrall to this ideology will side with the bullies and pour their scorn on the bullies’ victims. Male victims then suffer humiliation and may try to vindicate themselves through gender violence. Empathetic boys and men not only become afraid to show empathy, but may even be bullied against their conscience to bully other boys and men perceived as effeminate, to ward off the charge of effeminacy themselves. They must reject anything deemed feminine in themselves, and hold anyone with those qualities in contempt. Under bullies’ rules, boys and men can’t reveal any vulnerabilities, which are also considered effeminate. This is a formula for a decline of social connection and intimacy, which damages straight men and hence straight women as well, especially those who lack the shields and attractions of wealth and power.Â